#the last pic scares myself sometimes

[neeeeeoposts]

ohhhhhg,, i hate them…… .. . … .. /aff

everyone say thanks to them for creating gays

[revolutionsingingintherainnn]

I've been watching random videos on YouTube that keep popping up and the comments and the hate on Lando is so out of proportion, controversial and hypocritical, I saw a comment that he is too active online and was liking hate comments about himself after BrazilGP so I was wondering if you could do a smau where he has a friend that has faced slvtshaming and hate and stayed soft and sweet through all her hard times, and she is always there just grounding him whenever he's too much on his head or isolating himself. Maybe she helps him with his anxiety and makes him see himself through a softer gentle light and she's just really chill and always sees the silver lining, always supports and uplifts everyone and the content that she follows is just girls that go on walks, yoga, reading nooks, shops of handmade stuff like those in cotswolds etc. I don't know if it's too much or uncomfortable for you, but I'd really like to see that if you could. Oh and maybe she's Edinburgh based? Have a nice one! X

peace ⋆ ˚｡⋆୨୧˚

𓍯 ִֶָ ln x reader ᥫ᭡

𓍯 ִֶָ smau + fluff ᥫ᭡

masterlist ☾☼

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landonorris

liked by yourusername, mclaren, and 901,573 others

landonorris resetting. thank you for the reminder yourusername

view all 711,900 comments

yourusername Anytime, you big dummy. Did you bring the tea I packed for you? 💨☕ 

user1 y/n's the real MVP. Lando's gonna feel way too zen here! 💙 

user2 We love a supportive friendship. Keep going, mate! Ignore the noise. 🌟

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landonorris

liked by oscarpiastri, lnfour, and 884,012 others

landonorris Not the weekend I hoped for, but we move. Thank you to everyone who sticks by me even on the tough days. 🧡

view all 902,811 comments

user5 Ignore the haters, Lando, you’re doing great!! 💪🏽

user3 How is he liking hate comments about himself? 😒 Weird behavior.

user4 Sometimes people cope in strange ways. Let’s try to give grace. 💛

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yourusername

liked by landonorris, user10, and 7,421 others

yourusername Anxiety feels like a storm, but it passes if you stay grounded. 🕊️ I remind myself that the world is still soft and beautiful.

view all 3,371 comments

user11 This is the energy I need today. Thank you. 🌱✨

landonorris What if I brought my storm to Edinburgh? Would it pass faster? 👀

yourusername Only if you let me ground you.

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yourusername

liked by landonorris, maxfewtrell, and 7,005 others

yourusername Grateful moments, little joys, and grounding souls ✨

view all 2,832 comments

user15 Okay, but Lando looks suspiciously calm in that last pic… y/n, teach us your ways! 🖤

landonorris never realised how fun pottery would be! <3

user16 she's literally my inspiration

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landonorris

liked by yourusername, oscarpiastri, and 812,003 others

landonorris Found my peace here. 🕊️ Thanks to yourusername for reminding me the world is softer than I think.

view all 712,032 comments

user18 This is the wholesome content we need. 🧡

yourusername Storms don’t scare me anymore. 😉

landonorris You’re braver than I am.

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hi! thank you so much for reading! i'm not sure if i love this personally, because i don't think i did this justice, but i hope you like it. this is my prompt list, so y'all can select a number, give me a driver and i will write it as soon as possible! i also have a google form for a taglist if anyone's interested! you can sent in your requests here :)

taglist: @imlonelydontsendhelp ; @greantii ; @anamiad00msday ; @maketheshadowsfearyou ; @nocturnalherb16 ; @justaf1girl ; @peterholland04

[max-the-many]

It has gotten bit much lately. The last bear I added really got my legs all bushy, allthough he feels awsome, almost like massaging my legs in the most comfortable ways.

Who would have though that I might ever look at it like that. I mean I always wished to be hairy, since I remember seeing my uncle all covered while I was still smooth as as a bowling ball.

I got quite obsessed up until that crazy night with a dude at a hostle.

I had some hair upto then, but rather sparcly, always thinking about those furry guys when I looked at myself, still including my uncle.

It was one of those days again when these thought got more present, almost obsessive. But when I got home in the hostle, I managed to push it away.

I had met quite the nice guy, sharing this room with me for several days now while other came and left. We always joked around, took brefaat together and stuff.

When he came into the room that night I was on my phone, browsing furry pics as I often did, but honestly relieved when he served some distraction.

"Already back!?" he teased, jokingly pushing me back onto my lower bunk bed. "Don't waste you time on that phone when you can be out!”

With that, he just jumped upon me, wrestled me until he sat ontop of me. I loved that ge did that! He was like the playfull brother I never had. Plus, I really was a bit jealous of his hairy chest. But this aside, I accepted the challenge, started fighting back, mananged to be ontop just to be thrown down again, going back and forth until I was up again.

But this time it was different. I felt strange, looked down at him when he suddenly seemed stressed, scared even, twitching under me while I felt like, sinking down.

I panicked myself, trying to loosen my hands from his wrists, but I couldn't! They felt like stuck on their! My body fixed on him, my lap on his weiste and my eyes widened when I realized that his body started to move, to... shrink, to seep into my weiste, my hands until his head was the last part that vanished, distorted in a soundless scream until he was gone!

I fell onto the bed headfirst, loosing conciousness immediately.

When I woke up I felt like having slept for days. And it really was the following day. Still feeling tired I pushed myself up, slowly remembering the scene before. Was it real? It couldn't!

But as I started into the day, pulling off my sweaty cloth to change I stopped, looking down at my body. Was it... more hairy? It seemed like it was, even darker and stronger, especially on my chest.

I got to the mirror besides the door. And there I really couldn't deny it. I had grown more hair over night. And those on my chest looked awfully familiar.

The next days I couldn't get that off my head, especially as I didn't see my roommate again. I even asked, if he checked off, dispite his stuff still beeing in the room!

But that scene, that... nightmare... as real as those memories were. It couldn't be true!

Yet... sometimes... I had the strange impression that he was... close…

[cicidarkarts]

GIRRLLLL, sorry for being gone, I was busy with exams lol, and I LOVE THE FANARTS!!! SLAYYY— And I have a question, are there more headcanons for idrees? I just LOVE them, theyre make the character more entertaining than usual

I just recently got some hate for my crush on Idrees, so this is the perfect time to answer this ask. Last time, I did a bunch of "as close to canon as possible" answers. This time? I'm doing pure fanon Idrees based off of my fanfiction. Naturally, people reading this may or may not find it out of character, but I'll try to explain myself as succinctly and comprehensively as I can.

Fanon!Idrees/Fanfiction Headcanons:

Literally the smallest little things will set off Idrees' guilt. He holds the door open for someone, particularly if that person is a woman, and they say "thank you that's very kind"? Instant downward spiral of all the awful things he did and how he doesn't deserve to be labeled as kind or good.

Idrees is not good at making friends. Now that he doesn't live in Afghanistan, and he's exposed to a very different culture, he just kinda shuts down and doesn't know how to interact with people. Rather than saying something stupid and triggering himself, he prefers to just stay quiet, and needs an ambivert/extrovert to adopt him in order to make friends.

(I apologize for this picture I forgot I drew)

Razaq was his mentor during the war. Originally, Idrees was resistant to Razaq's teachings and wisdom, thinking of him as just some jaded old man who had no idea what he was talking about. But the more entrenched in war he became, the more he started to listen.

He's afraid of change. But thanks to Razaq, he was coaxed out of his shell into different ways of thinking. It still scares him sometimes, leaving him wondering where and how his life went so wrong.

(Here's a more serious sad Idrees pic I drew omg he's so cute I wanna run my fingers through his hair so bad dude)

Idrees has put himself in physical danger to protect other people. Particularly protecting women from men. This started with Razaq encouraging him to stand up for what he believed in. Violence horrified Idrees, and he refused to participate where he had the option. This evolved into stepping in to protect others, which involved him getting the shit beat out of him on several ocassions. It's the one thing Idrees feels so strongly about and that he refuses to give up.

Idrees is a pretty capable fighter. Despite being so scrawny, Idrees had to learn to fight in order to survive. It's very easy to underestimate him which has led to several abusive and horrible men getting laid the fuck out.

Idrees' PTSD has resulted in OCD-like rituals to cleanse his hands of blood and war. He will scrub his hands in steaming water until his skin is raw and bleeding. Sometimes the water runs red from how badly he injures himself. In a pinch, he'll douse his hands in hand sanitizer. The smell of the alcohol and especially the occasional burns on his cuts and picked cuticles help pull him out of his memories.

And finally, Idrees is very introspective. It's a skill he learned from Razaq, and has honed over the years. He's spent many long nights trapped in his own head, ruminating, pondering, fearing for the future. He does this to his own detriment sometimes, perhaps as a way of punishing himself. Excerpt: Damn mentor. Making him think. Sure, Idrees had thought before, but he felt like he never truly thought until Razaq taught him how. Though he certainly wasn't taught to ruminate ad nauseam until the stippling on his ceiling swirled.

And that's it for my self-indulgent Fanon!Idrees headcanons. Feel free to agree or disagree with any of this! But he's my baby cinnamon bun and I love him very much. :) (And I hope your exams are going well! ♥♥)

[winryrockbellwannabe]

✨Get Ready with me...✨

for the second semester of my 3rd year of college

Part 2: Friendships and Mental Health (all pics from Pinterest)

(Part 1: academic life and free time in here)

🪩 Friendships: 🥤

- No more people pleasing. Like the wonderful @zzzzzestforlife was saying on her post, it's time to stop being ppl pleasing. And i took it at heart lol Ofc it's not going to be an extreme thing, there must be an effort in friendships, but I gotta learn to prioritize myself when I'm with friends - As I said before, i want to become more intentional about my time. So, like, actually scheduling plans with friends, instead of ending up every other afternoon at the coffee shop complaining about life. Don't get me wrong, i do love one good gossip session, but it does keep the negativity around us and it leaves me drained sometimes. And I don't want to be drained after being with my friends - Take more decisions. That does sound more like a mental health thing, than a friendship thing, but i find it harder to make decisions when it implies other ppl, and i overthink if they even wanted to do whatever i planned for in the first place. So I'm going to start realizing that I can make my own choices and trust ppl to tell me if they hated it.

🍃🪻Mental health:���🍃

- i would like to try to implement a morning and bedtime routine. I really do think that that would be beneficial for me. (maybe ill try to hold myself accountable for this on my posts too). Especially a no screens bed time routine - in this same theme - reduce screen time - something i still do a lot is biting my nails. It's not something i manage to stop overnight, most times i manage to stop i end up getting even "worse" habits, like biting my lips, or picking skin. So find better coping mechanisms - go on walks. touch some grass lol. now the weather is getting nicer again, so i can get around to do this again - and in general just take my time. I feel like those last 3 years passed in a rush and i barely noticed the time passing by, and that scares me tbh.

And that's it :)) I'll try to hold myself accountable for some of this stuff in my posts, but ofc I'm not expecting to achieve all of this consistentively. It's more about being aware of what i want to get better at and try to make that effort😊

[knifedog-machina]

Dogs As Narrative, Through The Lens Of Abuse Recovery

Written by Jude Rook-Machina on March 4th, 2024.

J: so I got into the Archetropers’ Guild discord server, saw a prompt, and immediately started writing answers because wow talking about myself is fun, I need to do that more? definitely a more informal essay than the last one, I really just copied it from discord!

Content Warning: mentions of past abuse, but it’s pretty vague and has a hopeful swing to it!

I identify with dogs, as a dog, in the metaphorical sense of like - a dog as shorthand for a beloved tool? Being a bad actor's attack dog, being used and abused, biting the hand that fed and hit you. Dogs in the way they're used in vent art, as a metaphor for loving and trusting the wrong person.

But I also identify with dogs as beloved companions, as sweet and loyal and playful and loved. I know people who adore their dogs even if they came from horrible circumstances and have bad habits from abuse, and like - it's a narrative identity for me, something that ties together very different parts of my life, the before and after.

Like, yeah okay, I'm a dog. I unquestioningly love and trust people I care about. Of course an abuser took advantage of me, I didn't know better, and she promised to love me but she wouldn't even comfort me when I was scared of the rain. But also, there are way more people in the world who love me and want me to be happy, and that's good to remember as I recover and heal and grow! Calling myself a dog means accepting the way I adore people as a neutral to positive trait, instead of becoming a paranoid mess who refuses to be vulnerable again.

I don't know how much it's a species thing, because whenever I try to picture myself as a dog it's more like the shadow of a dog, pricked ears and bushy tail and all black, no detailing. I feel Wrong about picturing myself as a more realistic dog, instead of an artistic rendering of a black dog - like for dog photography to Resonate with me, it cannot be someone's candid pics of their pet German shepherd rolling around, it has to have some kind of message intended for use, otherwise it's like. That's a normal dog! I do not identify with you, normal dog, you're very cute but that's it. You’re unrelated to my life narrative!

And I don't generally feel the need to introduce myself to people as a dog when new people hear about me, because that feels like it's more personal? like hey, I’m a dog, you wanna know why? It's The Traumas! I’m open enough about it, but I don’t want to be pushed into thinking about it, and sometimes alterhuman spaces grill you about the origin of your identity too much for my comfort? I’m talking about it now because I want to, not because I’m being pressured into sharing.

I say all that, but I do really like cultivating my doggish traits, because they're kind of just things I like already - exercise, chewing and biting as a stim, play-fighting, getting scritched, curling up in a little ball to sleep. And sometimes I like giving myself phantom ears or tail or fangs for the expressiveness of them. I feel perfectly complete without them, but I like having them sometimes! They're fun!

And I don’t know if it just has to be an archetrope? I can describe it in other ways! Poppy (@aestherians) coined a term on rair website, here, about something being an alterhuman simile if you relate to it so strongly because it reflects your lived experiences, and I think I could call dogs my simile just as naturally as calling them my archetrope. It's a useful word and I haven't seen it around much!

[cpidscloud]

20 for anyone!!

20. pets !! any stories/fun facts about them ?

🐰 answering !!

"ooo, i love this question!" hana smiles as her hands clap together excitedly, "i'm the one with the most pets in our dorm, so i'll answer!" her hands go to her phone as she pulls up her photos of her pets. "this one's teokki, this is bingsu, and finally dubu!" she turns her phone towards the camera as she scrolls through her photos, showing off pictures of a white bunny, a black and white bunny, and very round little white hamster. "i've had teokki for the longest, she's about 4 years old! she's super cute, but she's the least social of my pets. she doesn't let most people interact with her.. she's got a big attitude!" she laughs. "i have a room all to myself in the dorm, so i got to move her in with me when we all first moved into the dorm. vivi has a really sensitive nose, so she doesn't like to come into my room.. hm? i clean their enclosures all the time!!" hana shakes her head as minnie teases her about the supposed rabbit smell of her room. "anyways.." she pouts, "teokki is super particular! out of my members, she only really lets aeri pick her up and kicks if anyone else tries to. she's funny like that! bingsu is the complete opposite, she's super cuddly with everyone!" hana scrolls to a video of the bunny curling into mars' arms, smiling wide as it plays. "isn't she the cutest? she looks like oreo bingsu right? that's how she got her name!" hana giggles as she scrolls through more photos of bingsu before landing on a video of her hamster. "and then my last baby is dubu! he's my youngest kid, i got him last year. he's super round and squishy! he's so greedy with his food but his full cheeks are so cute.. i spent a lot of time researching and setting up his enclosure before i got him, it's really big and he loves burrowing! i don't handle him as much because he's nocturnal, but sometimes he'll eat from my hand in the morning! he bit hayden one time when he visited, so now hayden's scared of him." she laughs as she recalls the memory, remembering how the lovepill member had shrieked so funnily from something so tiny. she shows off a few more pictures of her pets before shutting off her phone and putting it away. "that's all of my babies! aside from my pets, we also have mars' kitty in our dorm! if i ever get more time, i would love to have sugar gliders, they're the cutest! i really love seeing all the fans' funny comments when i post photos of my kids, especially on teokki's pics! i promise she's nice guys!!"

bunnyinmyheart: AHAHA DOES THIS MEAN SHES SEEN THE TEOKKI "i know what you are." PHOTOS

vivilovebot: hana the people beg for more dubu pics!!

son1cpilled: the hayden mention 😭😭

[throne-for-queens]

Confession time: years ago to try to keep a man (who was no good for me and vice versa) I actually bought a fake + pregnancy test online and texted him the pic of it. Of course he went ghost until I revealed it was fake. I wanted to scare him too and it worked. I couldn't calculate how I would keep faking the fake pregnancy so I came clean.

Please don't judge me but I was young and dumb clichely. I would never do that again.

Point of telling that is bc sometimes we women scorned do crazy ass things to try to keep men.

And if it does turn out the baby is not his and she faked everything I would not be totally surprised.

And well if she is pregnant and the baby isn't his, after that Insta stunt she pulled last year and her book, I would not be surprised.

Or if she's pregnant by him and maybe lied she was on BC etc. would not be surprised.

To be quite honest with myself, I would be shocked, because there's a part of me that still thinks she wouldn't go that far. If I am wrong in any way, I will have a straight Pikachu face for days. Because she's in her mid to late 30s and based on the climate of our world and empathy for moms who are struggling to conceive she would be insane to do something like that so publicly.

And thank you for sharing your story, I'm sure there are many women who have a similar story. I'm glad you've grown and learned from it, all love to you 🧡

[iridessence]

Hi💖 I was wondering as you have such a big following on here, how you deal with all of the messages and follows from pervy gross dudes? I’m starting to deal with so many that it’s hard to even block them all, Sometimes it’s hard to want to keep posting pics of myself because I’m scared of the reaction from them, and it used to be so fun before all of that unwanted attention. I could really use some advice and I really admire you. Sending well wishes and love your way!! XO

Hi there, I’m sorry you’ve been struggling with this. Honestly I’ve been blocking people regularly for like the last 10 years. It’s a very annoying process. My creative output has skewed more feminine for feminity's sake so it tends to attract more women and people who appreciate femininity beyond the hyper sexual lens, but beyond that it’s really just a matter of continuous blocking. I even have a canned message I send to certain accounts that have re-blogged me where I ask them kindly (🤢🙄) to remove my post because it makes me uncomfortable. Sometimes they do, sometimes they get angry, sometimes they just never respond and I just block them. I wish I had an easy solution for you but there isn’t really one in my experience

[ashadowofburnedoutstardust]

It's still PR, and bad PR at that, and all of the trolling and BS that came with it, along with all of this / ah sorry, to be honest I dont really know what it is anymore. Sometimes I feel it is real with some trully shitty PR. However, I meant it for that I saw one of those blogs saying he HAS to marry her it is in the contract blablabla so I thought okay maybe they really get married and they just try to acam people as a last depressed attempt by knowing that.

to be honest, as soon as they rushed trough NYC on that stupid papwalk, I was out. I come back every once in a while to see what is going on, but I see the shitshow will literally never end.. at least it feels like it

Hello anon

I get what you mean now

I remember seeing the papwalk confirmation and throwing my phone across the room, I know of many people who did the same thing

Technically it is correct that you can't force someone to marry someone else, no contract can force that, that's still human trafficking

A last attempt? I can understand your feelings on that, but these scammers have been floating around for a long time during the entire shitshow

I once had people asking me if I was CandyLove in my DMs long before I ever made contact with the ACTUAL CandyLove myself, so these people have been running this stuff by my estimates at least a year

So many people have been hacked and threatened, and it's probably been the same group across multiple platforms doing the same things in order to scare off his supporters and anyone with legitimate information that could contradict the "Narrative" they were trying to use to discredit his reputation

The papwalk, lol, the park sprint, does he really look like he actually wants to be there?

Here's the thing I've come to realise about Christopher

He appreciates a double entendre and a good theme or two 🤓, he knows precisely what he's doing in regards to all of this I won't deny that but it got out of his control, everything he has done about this PR shitshow has been in some way to subtlely sabotage it and speak in "code" to those who could recognise it

Take the melty emoji comment, and the BuzzFeed posting the article with the real meanings of it, take his comment on Taika and Rita's scare video "I support this" two people in a relationship one of the a POC as well as Jewish after all of the questions about whether or not he cares about THAT girls past,

All of the things he has done in the last year as well as help from various news outlets have been to try and signal his TRUE feelings and what he does stand for while he's been trapped in trying to ride out this shitshow along with the rest of us, as well as trying to imply just how BS the situation was

I think him taking a break from social media is a signal of him regaining control of the situation but I hope people understand that ALL of this has probably been stressful for him as well on many levels, so as much as I miss the pics and videos of the goodest baby boy, I think he is genuinely taking a step back and a break to recoup and rest

I wish I still had the reading I did recently on this as it indicated as such but I don't have the notes anymore

I think Christopher will be back after he's taken care of a few things

💜🪽🌟

[blackbird-brewster]

All the even numers >:)

Bahahaha, alright Anon. I saved this for last.

2. Do you drink tea or coffee? How do you take it? 

(Answered here)

4. Do you sleep on your back, stomach or side? 

I'm a side sleeper, mostly facing outwards. But sometimes, I wind up on my back and when I do I snore so loud Doom Them has to wake me up.

6. Do you prefer drawing or writing? 

I can't draw for shit. Writing is my creative talent

8. What’s your favourite band/artist? 

I have SO many. I listen to a wild range of music. Everything from ska to indie rock to punk to emo to pop. Some of my all-time fave bands include: The Killers, Foreigner, Avett Brothers, Postal Service, Betty Who, Beyonce, Lizzo, Tegan and Sara.

10. How tall are you? 

5'6" or 168 cm

12. Who are five (or more) people you want to hug right now? 

@otahkoapisiakii @bittersweet-bibliophile @the-kazoo-kid @gaelic-symphony @mygenitiveisobjective

14. What’s your favourite colour? 

(Answered here)

16. Want any tattoos? What of? 

I have around 35 tattoos (hard to count when you have half sleeves and such). I DO want more tattoos, but in the past two years one of my chronic conditions has made it so I'm allergic to my tattoos. They get welts and hives all the time. Which really sucks because uhhhh, my entire body is covered in them 🤷‍♂️

18. Who is the last person you texted? 

I sent Frankie some smut as a little treat!

20. What/who do you miss? 

I miss all my loves in the US. But in terms of 'what' -- the thing I miss everyday is being able to leave my house without it having to be an entire Event. I miss life before the pandemic where I didn't have to take 100 pre-emptive steps to protect myself every time I go out. I miss 2020 when everyone (in my country) was in this together, when everyone was masking and staying home when they were sick, when everything was accessible by being online. I miss when people cared.

The pandemic isn't over. Some of us have never left lockdown.

22. How much sleep did you get last night? 

I actually went to sleep hella early. I was asleep before my daily kudos email (this is how I tell time, okay?) which comes about 00:20. Then, I got up early with Doom Them -- so I think I got about 7 hours? I only need 5-6 to be functional.

24. When was the last time you cried? Why? 

Last night I cried from laughing so hard at this picture of our cat

26. What are some seemingly childish things you like? 

I don't believe joy has an age limit. I'm a regular at our local toy stores, I know all the staff, I'm always buying new fidget toys and Squishmallows. I got into Squishmallows about the same time I got my Autism dx (mid-2020) and since then, Squish have become a constant form of comfort for us. We currently have about 300 in our collection -- and that's after some major downsizing. There's no way to know how many squish we've rotated through over the years. Here's the last full squad photo we took in Jan 2022 (there's nowhere in our house to do a full pic of the 300 we have currently)

28. How are you, really? 

I'm actually doing well this week. Summer weather arrived without warning and my depression is lifting. I feel really inspired for the first time in weeks!

30. What are you looking forward to in the near future? 

Finishing Fooled Around (and Fell in Love) - Part 3!!!!!!!!

32. If you could go anywhere right now, where would you go? 

If I could see my US friends without actually having to go to the US itself, that would be perfect.

34. What’s your favourite flower? 

(Answered Here)

36. Do you like your middle name?

Not really. My middle name is the name of some random ski instructor my parents met the year before I was born (I have theories about this, about why my dad randomly remembered this person's name -- but that's a whole other thing. Oh, and also that's one of my middle names, it's complicated. I have like 5 names)

38. Do you have any phobias? 

Ornithophobia (fear of birds). Also scared of horses, cows, and airbags.

40. Do you like the beach? Do you prefer it sunny or cloudy? 

YES!! I love living ten minutes from the beach. We go there a lot to relax and scream at the ocean. I prefer sunny weather, hands down, but it's cloudy 90% of the time here.

42. Tag 5 of your favourite blogs

Oh, this is really difficult. I'll just tag some rad mutuals: @knitmeapony @chaotic-archaeologist @unitchiefs-blackbirdphoenix @gaelic-symphony @artcake

44. Who was the last person you said “I love you” to? 

I've said 'I love you' to at least five people today and it's only 10am. And I meant every one of those. I'm very much the type of person who loves my partners and friends openly and freely.

46. What do you need when you’re sad? 

Cranky Cave(tm)! Cranky cave is when I'm having meltdowns. I go to my room and turn on the fairy lights and galaxy projector. Grab a ton of squish and fidgets. Bury myself in blankets. And watch my comfort shows.

48. Who’s someone you can trust with your life? 

Doom Them, Kay, Coyote.

[Send Me Asks]

[mxmasters]

who do u consider closer friends out of the GAW?

ahh, well, "close" is relative. GAW is a lot like family, in that there's lots of people in the mix and you don't really know all of them as much (or as little) as you might want to.

mind you, they're also comrades, so I'd step up and fight for any of 'em. Especially the kids. it's a fucked-up world and they need someone in their corner.

last thing: I have, uh. problems. sharing past events. so I'm scared of getting too close to certain people. you know how it is.

aside from that... wait, am I allowed to be specific?

I don't see a problem with it, so long as we make one thing clear: only a few of these characters are original to the MxTape. Everything else is based on my interpretations of existing works, and the original authors always have the final say.

MxTape Originals, aka Steal These OCs

Doreen Gray (alwaysbpositive): Met her because of my delivery work. She needed some ethically-sourced B+, and I knew some queer people with units to spare. Not like Canadian Blood Services wants it! Homophobes. Anyway we've been friendly ever since. She's got two moods: energetic and depressed. I can relate.

meatgerm: I've crashed on this man's couch twice and still don't know his name. Do NOT eat his cooking! He WILL prank you. Really good fiddle player, though.

Tanya Miller (twilight_tone): Extremely close! We are partners! Sometimes we even dream together.

Louis (WHEREISMYHOG): never met IRL but he's got some wild stories and a solid understanding of magical theory.

Penelope Gore (whistl_stahp): yo we've talked about this.

MxTape Guests, aka Upcoming Attractions

Desmond Callaghan (gothicalfallacy): really, really cool! Hand member. Fellow Jojo appreciator. Probably the only person I know who understands theory better than WHEREISMYHOG. Go-to-guy for questions. Too bad he's only available, like, half the time.

Judith Feingold (thisisstupid12345): Desmond's sister; also a Hand member. Barely involved with GAW, but she kept logging into her brother's account and bones said that was against the rules, so here we are. Not magical, but very, very keen on guns, so she mostly talks with _FuddruckeR_.

GAW Members, aka "Janitors call us PoIs"

bones: we got to talking after the whole "terrestrial years" thing, and as it turns out... it's not doing a bit! an actual alien satellite. That sorta blew my mind. bones is a bit short and perfunctory sometimes but I think it's just doing the absolute best it can with people it doesn't entirely understand, which... same, tbh?

acuterobot: adorable. following her tumblr blog got me in some trouble, but I don't hold that against her.

polaricecraps: ehhh complicated. I see a lot of myself in PIC, but he's smarter than I was at his age and that cuts both ways. He's in it for the right reasons but speaking from experience, that's a great way to shoot yourself in the foot. He also lost my fucking TAPE but I puked in his van a while back so we're calling it even.

Andressa (gaycopmp4) and Dahlia (hetcopogg): literally the cutest couple I've ever seen. Fierce, passionate, committed to justice... and, uh, their kid? pretty sure Heather (Ms. Mad About Video Games) counts as their daughter. I send them tons of care packages with how-to books and chill retro games.

Armand (harmpit): extremely funny, lots of cool tricks, really difficult to understand in conversation. Marginally easier in text.

kkrule and kektagon: drive me ABSOLUTELY FUCKING INSANE. They're basking in the low-grade background radiation of the Internet and they're going to get emotional cancer. I've been there and I desperately want to help steer them out of it but GOD DAMN they are insufferable.

opossum: even worse. Probably the single most abrasive person I've ever met. Always arguing. Banned multiple times but never perma'd.

FreakyGhostBed: doesn't get out much, so I installed a media server in his family's basement so he can keep busy while they're asleep. we've hung out a few times since then. we mostly talk about movies.

_FuddruckeR_ and orbhorse: live and work on a ranch in the Southern States. Fantastic hosts, so long as you can tolerate Fudd plinking at targets all day.

CommunismAnarchismNihilism: incredible source for zines and materiel, a decent percentage of which have some kind of juice to them. We trade stuff. we also argue a lot (politics) but that's all in good fun (I think?)

fallout_meta.txt: escaped some real nasty characters to become a better person. I respect that, and I respect their top-tier opsec, because I don't know a single thing about them besides what's necessary.

FunkoPopFan1: not very active in the chat (super shy), but extremely resourceful, good at manipulating plastics, and passionate about her hobbies. Sadly one of those hobbies is collecting funko pops.

tabris, hybridRainbow, starspark, chokerless and bluefootedboobies: I would ride or die for all these kids.

And finally, The Big Three.

Esther Kogan (lesbian_gengar): friendly in the chat but we haven't met in person, bc she has deep ties in Three Ports and maybe she heard something about my fuckup back in 2008. On the other hand... remember what I said about having a type? The type who could kick my ass? Well, LG could definitely do that. In fact she could probably fry my brain. Yow!

JJ (jockjamsvol6): this dude defies description. I mean yes, he's hot, and he's chill, but the second he walks into a room... you know you're in for some shit. JJ is always EXACTLY where he's supposed to be, and as a genre-savvy person, that is TERRIFYING, because the narrative flows AROUND HIM. It's like watching someone waltz through a hurricane; it's cool, but not super safe for whoever stands around gawking.

And lastly... Jude Kriyot (bluntfiend). The man, the myth, the legend. The guy who walked away from AWCY and lived to tell the tale. (Or lie about it, at least.)

This is where things get really difficult for me, cuz... well, I'm an anarchist. The idea of following any one guy doesn't appeal to me. BUT! there is no GAW without Jude, and once you meet him, you can understand why. He's got something special. Not confidence or charisma or whatever (he's actually a clumsy dork), but heart and integrity, for sure. He believes in humanity. He believes in something good, and when you're hanging out, you want to believe in it too.

That said, he's also a fucking mess. I'm not judging (I'm a mess too), but on some level, I like to think I'm getting my shit together. Jude is more like... uh, a shonen protagonist between story arcs. You know? He just sorta stews in his own funk. Depressed. Off in his own little world. Like Johnny Joestar, before meeting Gyro. There's only one person who can reliably shake him out of it, and... well, it's not me.

I admire Jude. I really do. I want to trust him with my secrets, but I can't, because he doesn't trust me with his. That's... fair. Trust is hard to earn. It's easier to lie. But when the chips are down, I've got Jude's back. I hope he'd do the same for me.

[cali]

how much of urself do u put in ur art? How do u like to represent urself usually & is this how u think of ur form in ur head

well if u mean by urself my mind, then all my pics are as much me as i can manage. i try to not make as many compromises when drawing (unless i get paid loel) and draw what is fun for me as any artist should.. sometimes in the busier pics i hide things that have been on my mind around the time im making it. like phrases or forms. so thats a form of me that im putting in there.

if ur talking about a more literal depiction of my full human body then well i can just directly tell u which ones kind of have that:

-this one is some type of me. i ritualize a lot of stuff in my life and i got raised with a like for anything pagan or beastial so a face smeared priestgirlbeastgirl is one thing id like to be. that pic was also from a lsd trip where i was crying hardcore lol so i wanted it to look as messy and scared as i felt

-this one is my ffxiv character. i think it counts as a way of how i represent myself cuz its a literal avatar. regarding ur last question of if these are how i think of myself in my head: no, theyre all idealized and muchly fantasy of real aspects of me but this pic for one is fully about that. about how hyperidealized every avatar is in ffxiv. everyone is a marble statue but if u ran ur finger over their skin u would cut urself on the infinitely sharp polygon edges...

-this one probably most literally answers how i represent myself. i made it cuz i saw one too many meet the artist posts that week and got pissed at how stupid they all are. mine is kind of stupid now too by extension but its Ok. its a classic Starheadhair style. and that one is kind of how i dress. pirate pants and a lot of black yahaha

i think every single thing i draw that looks cool or pretty or awesome or whatever all draws from a well that is both what i like and what i want to be though. so all the dragons too. i always wanted to be lugia when i was little.

thank u for the ask!!

[the-insomniac-emporium]

Tag Game Thing

ayyyye another one (but not one from when I was drifting in the timeless void of Conceptually Tuesday), got tagged by @chthonicsiren , gonna tag @melthedwarf because I can >:) (edit: tagged the wrong person first cuz tumblr autofilled the url, sorry!)

1: Are you named after anyone? Yes! My birth name/not-quite-deadname is a tribute to my ma's maiden name. Without saying what either are, I'll just say that her maiden name followed a patronymic format (ex: Johnson), and my birth name is one of the feminine variants/related named (ex: Johanna?). My chosen name, Jordan Van Daalen, is a fun one! My friend and I were in drama class together, and were paired up for an assignment where we had to write a short script (we were given random phrases to start and end the scene with). We're both Huge Fucking Nerds, so we went Overboard, basically fleshing out both of our characters (and then we napped on each other). Jordan Van Daalen was what a random name generator gave me for my character. Less than a year later I realized I am some sort of non-binary, and decided to use that lil name as my future name, as well as eventual pen name :D

2: When was the last time you cried? Uh. Okay, so, like... sometimes when I'm really tired but can't sleep, I'll start improvising a little song? Just, like, whisper singing to myself? And it usually ends up being an emotional ballad about old traumas (or, you know, stuff from whatever media I've been binging)? also when I yawn my eyes water a tiny bit? so what I'm saying is that every time I can't sleep and end up singing dumb little songs, I end up crying. how often does that happen, you ask? well, buddy, I picked this url for a good reason. (it was probably yesterday)

3:Do you have kids? Does being the oldest in the friend group (and also being the dad friend) count? because I am the Father of some of these gremlins. no? oh. well, I am going to an auncle/ent soon, so that's close enough :D

4: Do you use sarcasm a lot? Depends on my mood? I'm less sarcastic than my brother, but definitely more sarcastic than either of my parents. I know that means nothing to any of you, but hey, that's my answer.

5: What's the first thing you notice about people? Uhhhhhhh if they give off gay vibes asdfghjkl; Honestly it varies, which I feel like is a given? I look for things that stand out- colored hair, piercings, if they have any jewelry, etc.

6: What color are your eyes? Okay, well, my ID says hazel, I used to describe it as "hazel green/green hazel", and I think a poet might describe my eyes as something like "sea foam green around sandy brown". However, a Certified Dick could just as easily call my eyes "snot green with a pinch of yellow". Could also just shrug and go "muddy green?". except in some lightings the "green" part seems like it might be vaguely blue, and I have been slowly driving myself insane trying to figure out a consistent color palette I can use when drawing self portraits/inserts because I can't get a decent pic of my eye to use a reference and I'm too awkward to ask someone (with less shaky hands) to do it for me. anyway, I spent ten minutes drawing what is arguably the best attempt I've ever made at making an accurate portrayal of my eye color:

7: Scary movies or happy endings? Generally speaking I prefer happy endings, but it feels weird to separate that from scary movies. However, I don't tend to watch many genuinely scary movies? I like horror comedies. I also very much enjoy watching shitty/low quality horror movies and roasting the fuck out of 'em. Humor is part of how I cope with actual scary movies/games too, though. That and pretending to try and scare the monsters :3 running through the scary dark hallway going "a-boogily-boogily-boo!" and rapidly snapping the camera from side to side like I'm jumping out at people. the monster goes rawr? I SAY IT LOUDER

8: Any special talents? I mean, I think most folks who follow me on here know that I've got a bit of talent in several types of art/creativity (music and writing are probably my big two)? But I can also beatbox a little, my arms are weirdly flexible (possible double-jointed at the shoulders?), and I am surprisingly good at picking things up/throwing them with my feet. That last one is 50% for throwing dog toys and 50% for picking up small things I dropped when I don't want to bend over. Weird? Yes. A talent? Probably not.

9: Where were you born? I think I was born in Seattle, WA, USA. It was definitely in the Seattle area, it just might have technically been a neighboring city.

10: What are your hobbies? Other than the aforementioned artsy shit, I play a lot of video games, in a variety of genres. My favorites are probably the Mass Effect series, Fallout: New Vegas, Persona 5: Royal, Horizon: Zero Dawn, and Spider-Man PS4. I need you to know how difficult it was for me to not list over a dozen games. Please understand. THERE ARE SO MANY GOOD GAMES FUCK. Also, idk if it super counts as a hobby in other people's minds, but I love LEGOs! My room is filled with them :D

11: Have you any pets? None that are, like, fully legally mine. My household has a dog, Bella, but I am unfortunately her least favorite. She loves letting me give her chin scritches first thing in the morning though :')

12: What sports do you play/have you played? KENDO, BITCHES. GET SMACKED WITH BAMBOO

13: How tall are you? Soooooo tall. Massive. Giant. A true, genuine image of a Viking Warrior.. ... ..... in other words I'm 5 feet and 3.5 inches. the .5 is incredibly important to me. On a good day with boots I can almost pass off as 5'5" tho, soooooo. I'm also built like a shit brickhouse (yes I know that's not the correct saying), so at least tall people can't throw me (I throw them)

14: Favorite subject in school? Three-way tie between English/Language Arts, Drama/Theatre, and Art class!

15: Dream job? Writer, artist, all around generally a Professional Nuisance. Maybe taking the place of a forgotten, half-dead God at a lonely shrine, slowly restoring it until it's something worth remembering, eagerly having unforgettable conversations with the rare passerby, never gaining enough fame or worship to have any real power over the world. Just enough to be a face that lingers in your memories, in your dreams, the little voice you hear when you need it most.

[lutepormax]

Hi! I'm sorry to be bothering you, I'm just wondering how your dog is doing?

Hey, friend, I'm so sorry for taking this long to answer/show up and thank you so much for caring about my puppy's wellbeing. This is a recent pic of Max (sorry you can't see his face, he was looking at the door waiting for my mom to enter). I managed to pay for his last evaluation and he's as happy and healthy as an old dog can be, completely cancer free thanks to you all.

Allow me to use the space your ask provided to vent a little. It's going to be a little heavy, so you don't need to keep reading.

This little baby is Flynn. A good eye will notice that Flynn is extremely thin.

Some days ago, I found Flynn on my roof. I was shocked, in tears because I thought I had found a dead kitten. He was just there, limp, his eyes almost closed. I need to bury him, I thought, I shouldn't leave him like this. Besides, the smell will invade my house and his body will attract maggots, poor thing. So that's what I tried to do—I tried to bring him down with a broom, as gently as I could because it was still just a tiny kitten. But then I heard it, as soon as I touched his back with the broom, the softest, weakest meow. I noticed he was breathing—barely. He was alive.

He was alive! I was shocked, I was happy, and scared, oh my goodness his state, what do I do? What do I do?! I messaged my friends. I was walking around the house with him—I grabbed a towel and I wrapped him in it and he was so, so cold, his pink nose was almost purple and he didn't make a move, his eyes were always closed, he gasped for air a little bit. What do I do?! I messaged. What can I do for him? God, please I don't want to watch him die in my arms. How could I not hear him meowing for help?! He's alive!

My friends were angels, they were heroes. They gave me instructions on how to make an emergency substitute for kitten's formula, helped me calm down to keep him warm and we sunbathed together. Sometimes he opened his eyes, still limp, and looked at me. Beautiful shiny green eyes, lost, trying to understand what was going on. He was skin and bones on that roof. His mama saw he couldn't go on and left him behind. His fate was to die alone in the cold and I found him. I didn't let him leave this world knowing nothing about what love felt like.

The first time I fed him, after being instructed about the correct position, terrified I would fill his lungs with emergency formula, I felt like I was feeding a corpse. He didn't move an inch. I cried and cried and held him and talked to him, come on baby, you can do this. Don't let me go through this. Let me save you. He didn't answer, of course, and tried to meow at me, but only some tiny, almost non-existent squeaks left his mouth. He needed a vet. He needed to be admitted and given intravenous medication. His little eye boogers were smelling weird, it was obvious he had some sort of infection. I kept him away from Max, but I honestly didn't care about myself. I wanted to cuddle him. I wanted to snuggle him and try to cure whatever the hell he had with the sheer force of my will alone. He needs a vet and I don't have money. He needs a 100 bucks kitten formula and a vet and I'm poor and I have almost 2k in bills to pay and 9 bucks on my account.

The second time I fed him, I went through the whole process again. I stroked his little head. I filled the syringe with the emergency formula. His green eyes were sparkling. When I put the syringe inside his mouth, the little prick woke up. He clawed at that syringe! He took all of his 14ml of formula—we needed to do this with tiny amounts every couple of hours because we were terrified of the refeeding syndrome—and let out a louder meow this time, a "come on, I want more" kinda meow. There I was crying again, happy, so glad he heard me, so glad he was fighting. He still had an infection. He still needed a vet. But he was fighting.

The next day I'd find out he was clingy as hell—makes sense, being so malnourished. My shoulder quickly became his favorite spot. When he put his paws on the cold floor of my house for the first time, he started meowing like crazy to get back on my lap. He could barely walk properly at first, weak as he was. He didn't have a lot of balance and couldn't jump. He needed to be kept warm at all times or he'd sing a symphony. No signs of his mom, it was just us in this huge fight to survive. I kept contacting vet clinics till before yesterday to try and make some kind of arrangement because he really needed to see a doc.

Sorry, we understand you can't pay right now, but we cannot schedule payment for your next card bill until this month's bill has closed. I know you think he's at risk of dying until then, but try to keep him stabilized and call us back. Sorry, if he's walking and meowing, it's not really that urgent now, is it? Unfortunately I can't see him for free. Sorry, our store balance closes daily and we are unable to process payments that are not made immediately. Meanwhile, Flynn kept meowing, walking, seeking the warmth of my hands or my shoulder, looking at me with his pretty green eyes, so grateful to have a second chance. This picture is from 3 days ago. The sun was instrumental in saving Flynn's life and he was thanking its rays, in the photo, by rolling under them.

I woke up to give him food 7am and he was limp again. He didn't make it to his litter box—the one he learned so quickly how to use—and pooped on his bed. He looked up at me and meowed and I heard it again; that weak, weak meow. Something happened to him during the night. He got worse.

I couldn't feed him anymore, he couldn't swallow. His eyes were lost, looking for me, looking at nothing. I called everyone. Everyone. I texted, I asked for help, I tried to find a vet that could understand this was a fucking emergency and he was dying in front of me and I didn't have money but he needed his life, he was barely out of his mom's womb, he deserved the world, he deserved toys, he deserved the sun and food and attention and peace, he deserved me! He deserved me! He deserved me. He didn't deserve to meow helplessly like he probably did on that roof for God knows how much time until I found him. He didn't deserve to feel pain. But does it matter what I think he deserved? I had to watch it anyway. I had to watch it, stroke his little head and cry and watch him die.

He died on his bed just before I found a doctor that could take him in without an immediate payment. He died before I could help him, because it was too late. He died because I took him in while I was well aware that I wouldn't have the means to help him like he needed. Because I'm poor.

I couldn't help my dog without dozens of donations, and I'm thankful, but it's fucking enraging. It's tiring. It's humiliating. I need to choose which bills to pay and which ones to give up on until next month. I need to watch my mom lose sleep because she has three lumps on her breasts and she needs a surgery to remove them and the healthcare system in this country is so goddamn slow and I can't pay for her surgery because I'm poor. I'm poor. I'm too poor to help her, I'm too poor to help myself, I'm too poor to pay for what we need, I was too poor to save Flynn. Life is not a fairytale and there's not gonna be a rich anonymous dude who's gonna read this random ass grief-stricken word salad and donate 10 thousand dollars. I'm not gonna win the lotery. It's just the same daily miserable life. The difference is that now, each new bill I have to pay will be marked with the image of Flynn dying in front of me. Each shoe box I see will remind me of the one he was buried in, with his little black blanket. I'll look at the medical exams I should do and remember his green, empty eyes as he laid there after fighting so damn hard for his life.

It's just another failure in a big list of failures. And I'm tired.

[voikiraz]

Lover ; jungwon 정원 .

Lovers . bf!jungwon x fem!reader w. None step ? #766 M.recordings ! [ was supposed to post this a few hours ago but sorry i forgot ( gyuvin refrence ahaah ) ]

Syn. Lover jungwon and actions he does that makes you fold every time.

𓈒 𐔌 𝓜.list ͡꒱ ۫ ʬʬ 𝐂licks ˚ tag ✶

ꕤ no matter how small this is but he loves to pick up shells with you from the beach you'll be on a trip with your friends and in the early morning you'll go sit on the beach a little, because it's always better and calming in the morning - like at 6 am or something - and he sees you putting on your jacket and he knows, he had to go with you! It's his job at this point.

When you see him running after you on the beach, he literally looks like a jumpscare. [ love you jungwon ]

"oh what are you doing here? I thought you were sleeping" you asked with a puzzled expression on your face.

"aren't you here to pick up shells?" he says as he shows the little container that has the words 'y/n and won's shells' on the front, he looks at you with sleepy eyes.

And you fall in love all over again from how cute he looks.

ꕤ you know how people collect pcs or pictures and such stuff?

Well he literally keeps Polaroids of you, every chance he gets, he just always has the camera in his backpack, like for what ?? TO TAKE PICS OF HIS LOVELY GIRL !!!

A sleepover? Pic, a date? Another pic, practice? Pic again, after a concert? GUESS WHAT. Another pic, I'm crying.

No cause he for real has a huge ass binder, and it's so pretty, in your favourite colour and it's decorated with pretty stuff and all.

Now guess what. He doesn't hide it from the boys, oh my lord.

He literally looks at them so many times, like he is WHIPPED!

"another picture?" You ask him, seeing how he's getting the camera from his bag.

He nods with a big grin, and you never said no to him, so you just pose, giving him your best smile, and he unconsciously smiles back.

How cute I wanna die.

ꕤ okay listen. First, Sunrise is better than sunset. Second. Watching the sunrise with won is a must.

It's honestly sickening, even tho watching the sunrise isn't like the most exciting thing, he always manages to make it one of your favourite days, saying something so special to you, or confessing to you how he was super in love with you for a long time before confessing, or accidentally telling you about the surprise he's making you for your anniversary, or just saying overly sweet stuff. Like okay king you can shut up now. (Sobbing)

"You wanna know something?" won asks you.

You were sitting on the beach while it was still dark, a few minutes till the sun completely rises.

Your head resting on his shoulders, and him playing with your hair.

You give him a hum, telling him you were listening.

"Sometimes I ask myself why I love you, and I never found an answer, it was starting to frustrated me, but then I realised that I wouldn't want to love you for a reason, what if the reason suddenly disappears, I'm scared I won't love you like I do now, so for as long as i breath and as long as you're next to me, I want to love you forever and unconditionally" he says, calm as ever as if he didn't just make your mind race.

You stare at him, eyes blown wide. And heart nearly jumping out of your chest.

ꕤ this boy. This is kind of similar to the jake one. This boy will always have your favourite snacks in a drawer in his room. Like HE NEVER RUNS OUT, so whenever you're having a sleepover or such, he has your favourite snacks just because.

"Man I wish I brought snacks on my way here" you say with a huff, while searching for a movie to watch with your boyfriend, you would've gone to the store, but with how far away from the dorm it was, you turned down that thought.

"What do you mean, I have snacks" he said as he went to his night stand, opening the last drawer to see it filled with all your favourite stuff, you stared at him.

"Won oh my god, you don't even like most of these stuff" you look at him with a pout.

"Yeah silly, they're for you not me, take whatever you want." He said, going back to laying on the bed.

You gave him a kiss as a thank you and ever since then he always has some snacks in his drawer, I mean, he can't say no to a kiss now, can he?

© voikiraz 2O24